What Fun! Winter Driving In Minnesota

This indie author is one happy ol' girl today. Why? Because the Twin Cities got it's first "snow event" for the winter (Yes, it took until February 28th and we are very spoiled this year!) and she is sitting inside, not having to drive. I spent years as a road warrior on the freeways of the metro area selling print advertising. Seventeen years to be exact and not one accident. Thankfully.

Because of that I am very familiar with what happens during the first major snow of the season. First, you have the drivers that go five miles an hour on the freeway because a few random flakes are coming down. No, it is not slippery; and no there is not a problem with visibility. These could be people new to the area from warmer states. Yes, I would like to think that.  Unfortunately, too many of them have Minnesota license plates. Every year a certain percentage of people are totally taken off guard when a snowflake drops in the Land of the Frozen Tundra. Imagine! Snow in Minnesota!

Then we have the "let's hit the brake every 5 to 10 seconds to make sure I can stop, regardless of how many cars are behind me" and the "I can change lanes without looking or using a blinker AND I don't have to have more than two feet between cars to get in there...because I have SUPER POWERS! Of course, these people are on the freeway day in and day out, until they finally total enough cars that they get the message.  Hopefully they don't kill too many other people in the meantime.

Next is the macho man (or woman) with the pick up truck or SUV with 4 wheel drive. It does not matter if there is solid ice on the road! No! Their 4 wheel drive is special. It can go 70 miles an hour on ice!!! No other vehicle has been known to be able to do this, but they are the exception. Yup. They sure are. They fall into the exceptional ahole category. Thank you for risking other peoples lives while you try to make up for having a short...ah, never mind. Trying to be a bit less earthy.  For maybe two minutes.

Lastly we have the old reliable tailgator. They show up rain, sleet, snow and sun. It does not matter the weather, these folks need love so badly that they want to attach themselves to your bumper. It makes them feel like they belong. Oh, they belong. I am just not saying where.

Yes, it is a carnival on the freeways every time it snows! Stuntmen, barkers, magicians...spine tingling thrills every minute! I am so glad I did not have to buy a ticket to the carnival today. Can't say I miss Mr. Macho or Ms. Ineedafriend one bit.

Happy Driving. I think I will have another hot buttered rum and light the fire.
Then I will continue writing, while Mr. Super Powers once again performs his magic tricks on I-94.

Brown Christmas Is Perfect, Thank You.

I am pleased to say that this year in Minnesota we had a brown Christmas.  At least in my part of the state.  I do believe they have snow in Northern Minnesota.  Am I disappointed?  Hell no!

There is nothing enjoyable about scraping ice from windshields after going out to eat, shop or anything else you might need to venture out for.  I don't enjoy shoveling mounds of frozen white stuff off the drive and walks...and my husband doesn't either.

It gets tiresome slipping and sliding all over the streets...or seeing an inch of salt eating away at your car.  Neither cars nor people are made for ice.

Bah, humbug regarding ice skating, snowmobiling, skiing or ice fishing.  Sorry.  I don't enjoy freezing my ass off staring down a hole in the lake on the off chance that some poor fish might decide to strike.  That is what supermarkets are for.

Snowmobiling?  Seems to me the only reason people do that is to go from one bar to another and drink.  Dangerous and cold.  No thanks.  A bottle of cab in my warm house works better.  Especially considering I probably won't kill myself or others making my way from one room to another.  (Depending, of course, upon how many bottles are consumed.)

No, give me a pool and a frozen cocktail over a ice rink and hot chocolate any day.  Slipping into flip flops to leave the house is much nicer than putting on layers, a coat, a hat, gloves, boots...and then standing in melted snow in stocking feet when you take off the boots later.

Why do I stay?  I love a Minnesota man.  He wants to stay because family is here.  I stay because he gives so much to me that I need to let him claim victory in a few things.  This is one of them.  So far. 

So, brown Christmas?  I was sure hoping so.  My wish was granted.  We may not even have snow before New Year's!  That will make this frozen hell they call Minnesota much more endurable.  It really is a beautiful place to live most of the year. If you manage to shorten the four to five months of winter we usually get down to three you may even get me to say it is the best place to live in the country.

Just to celebrate I think I will go out and make a leaf angel. Or would that be tempting fate by rubbing it's nose in all things not winter?