Eating Half of What You Order

For the past couple of months I have been trying to eat less food.  Some weeks are more successful than others.  It has been a gradual undertaking.  I try, for instance, to only eat half of what I order in a restaurant.  I have gotten much better at that this last month. I just seem to remember easier. 

I seem to remember easier because my body tells me more clearly that I have had enough.  It really has helped to do that, even though at first I would only remember to do it every so often.  Now it has become almost a routine.  I think the next time I go out I will just ask for the to go box when I order.  That way I can put half of everything in there right away and won't have to hope I think about it.

I don't know if I will lose weight from this but I would think so. I mean, I am eating half of what I used to eat, right? The other half serves as lunch or dinner another day or night. I do know I fell a lot better when I eat less at sitting. I have more energy and don't feel that infamous "crash and burn" most people feel after they have stuffed themselves

Speaking of having the other half for lunch or dinner another time, I don't think there is anything more boring than thinking up a lunch for one.  Since I write, I am home pounding on the keyboard and suddenly I am hungry.  I have to tell you, I am sick to death of yogurt, soup, deli salads, cheese sandwiches.  Yawn.  Maybe a couple raw veggies on the side.  Yawn again.  Throw some Cheetos or Fritos on there.  Yawn once more.  Even the fattening "same old" is "same old". Therefore, I am pretty darn excited when I have a half of a restaurant meal waiting for me!

We ate out with relatives Saturday, and I happily packaged up half of my bourbon burger and fries.  (Yes, I know they are fattening.  I am trying to eat less, not bore myself into a coma.)  My brother-in-law even gave me his portion of homemade bbq kettle chips.  Great!  Those would be used for yet another time.  Then we got into the SUV.  Dave and I were in the back.  I checked my to go box and it was firmly on the seat in between us.  I reached for my seatbelt...you guessed it.  The box went sailed to the floor of the car.  Opened right up and deposited the food directly into dust and ice melt.

Goodbye exciting lunch today. How I longed for my half of bourbon burger!  But, alas, it was only a tease of a memory as I choked down another cheese sandwhich.  Yawn.  Almost made me wish I had kept it, ice melt and all.

OOh-la-la! (Becoming French when you eat will make you slender)

I need to lose weight.  I know that, and I know how to do it.  So why don't I?  If I had the answer to that question I would be a billionaire.  Millions of Americans struggle with extra weight.  I have lost weight several times.  I never keep it off.

To begin with I was naturally thin.  Until I was in my 40's I was never overweight.  The problem was, I still thought I was too fat.  I was 5' 8" and wore a size 11.  That is slender. However, the modeling world said the opposite.  We were barraged through the media with underweight examples of what was beautiful from the last 60's on.  So, I began dieting.

I truly think that is what messed up my metabolism.  And my mental health.  I would go through periods of dieting only to binge on everything I had not allowed myself to enjoy.  The binge periods lasted longer and longer.  Finally, by the time I reached middle age I was overweight.  I still could lose weight.  I still could not keep it off.

It may surprise you that, when I say I know how to lose weight and keep it off, I am no longer talking about  a diet.  No food plan where you have to check off boxes.  No boxed bullsh** meals.  No banned foods.  Nope.  I am convinced that the way one gets back to a healthy weight is by eating what they want, but only when they are truly hungry.  Equally important? Stopping when one is full.

The French have always done it.  They eat lots of calorie laden foods.  (Name one French dish that is not high in fat.) Just not in quantity.  They eat small portions because that is what the human body really desires.  Somehow, we Americans have gotten all messed up with the portions we think are needed.  Truly, less IS more. More healthy, more budget friendly, more delicious.

Why can't I remember to only eat when hungry and stop when I am full?  I guess because of decades of doing the opposite.  Even when I was thin I overate.  Simply because I could.  I had a crazy metabolism that allowed me to eat everything and anything.  Because of that I developed bad habits.

I am going to (once again) try to commit to eating only when hungry and stopping as soon as I am full.  That does not mean some garbage about chewing each bite a certain number of times, or driving myself crazy about putting down my fork between every bite.  What it DOES mean is that I will pace myself.  I will remember manners. That means I won't shovel food into my food, refill my fork while still chewing, or take portions that would fill the back of a dump truck to capacity.  I will really notice and enjoy the flavor of each bite.  And I will make an attempt to converse (after chewing and swallowing food please...a pet peeve of mine is people who talk with food in their mouth) while eating.  If I am involved with others during a meal I will give myself time to realize that I am full.

Will I succeed?  Eventually.  Hopefully, it will be this time.  I have normal blood pressure, normal blood sugar, and a stress test showed a normal heart.  Now it is up to me to keep things that way before it is too late. Food is not the enemy, lack of awareness is.  Food is wonderful and sensuous.  It should be treated with respect, not ravaged.

Wish me luck.  It is difficult to learn new behavior when old behavior has been repeated so many years.  I really want to be able to move better and have less pain, though...so here we go.  Is this time the charm?

A Resolution to Accept Imperfection

Another year is coming up and we all know that resolutions will be made to lose weight, stop smoking, exercise more, be kinder, spend more time with kids, and a ton of others.  Some people will even manage to keep the resolutions going for months.  Others?  Within a week or two the resolution is forgotten about.

I remember one year that I resolved to lose weight. I lost 60 pounds.  Then I got a very stressful job and gained it all back.  I sat on my ass 8 hours a day selling electronic advertising.  By the end of the day I was so mentally exhausted I just could not drive myself to exercise.  An excuse?  Maybe.  Or maybe my body and mind just needed to rest.

For this indie author 2012 is going to be the year that I learn to forgive myself.  I vow to no longer expect perfection from the time I wake up...going from one task on a list to another and always feeling like I am coming up short because there are so many tasks still left to compete.  All of a sudden the day is over, the week is over...the months are over.  And although I accomplished a lot of things I have found that I was strangely not present.  I was too busy "doing" to enjoy just "being".

I am going to just "be" this upcoming year.  Yes, I will accomplish goals.  I am a goal oriented person.  But the time frames for completion will be less strident.  If I decide to spend the day in the woods, or at the zoo, I am NOT going to feel guilty.  In other words, I am going to simply live to live.

If I don't lose weight without it being a struggle, perhaps I don't want to that badly.  If I don't push myself to do exercise every damn day, or even most of them, perhaps it is because my muscles ache.  I am tired to hearing how exercise is supposed to help that.  It doesn't.  It makes it worse.  Even yoga sometimes.  So, excuse me, but I am going to love myself.  When I feel that I would enjoy hiking or yoga, I will do it.  When I want a nap, I will nap instead.

Perhaps it is age.  I remember one person telling me that getting older was in a way a relief because your expectations are lower.  I find that is true for me.
I am going to enjoy some desserts and I am going to enjoy some salads.  I am going to sleep later when I wish.  And take a nap if I wish.

If our house is dirty, we may clean it.  Or, we may instead decide to go play.  I fell in love with my husband because I enjoy him, not because he can clean a bathroom well.  If our house bothers people, they can stop coming over.  We will never be pigs, but at times you will see dust.  I will admit we are NOT messy, but can be dirty.  It is our dirt.  If you come over I will have a clean bathroom, but the other rooms may be dusty.  Get over it or find new friends.

I am going to write more novels because I enjoy it, not because a time frame is glaring at me.  I am going to paint more because it is who I am, not because perhaps someone will discover me. Some people will love my books and my art.  Some will hate it.  That's cool.  I will love my books and art regardless. Anything that causes emotion (and my work tends to do that) results in strong reaction.

I have finally realized that I am fabulous just as I am.  Not perfect, but just fine.  The soul in this body has waiting for acceptance for 56 years.  I accept her now.  Welcome, self, to 2012...the year of self love and acceptance.