Why You SHOULD Talk About Sex, Religion, and Politics

Everyone has heard that you should refrain from talking about sex, religion, and politics.  When you really stop to think about that, doesn't it seem that "someone" wants to shut people up?  I mean, what are we supposed to talk about with others? Fashion? Celebrities? Other people?

Unfortunately, many people subscribe to this belief and do spend their time discussing mundane, and sometimes hurtful (as in talking behind people's backs) things instead of issues that matter.  Oh, yes, sometimes conversations get REALLY meaningful and there is discussion about childcare tips (nothing wrong with this sometimes between those interested, but...all of the time?) and recipes (don't we all have about ten million that we never have the inclination to make already?), or cars (deeply meaningful) and dirty jokes (increases brain power). And let's not forget sports! The result of a game truly affects most of our lives in major ways.

I happen to think that NOT talking about sex, religion, and politics is downright dangerous. You see, while you are busy discussing that awful dress that Amanda wore last week, people are busy somewhere making major life decisions for the whole country (and world).  Those decisions usually center around sex, religion, and politics.

If you stay quiet, others decide for you. They often decide in ways that are not beneficial. If you stay quiet, people are discriminated against because of sexual preference or religion. Politics can change law...but only if enough people cry out for it.

I am not saying you should preach.  I am saying we all should talk about things that are important and be mature enough to let others also share their opinions.  Then vote to make decisions that change laws regarding the "Big Three". If you don't talk about it, you stay ignorant.  Yes, ignorant.  And ignorant people can be (and are) controlled. Is that what you want? Don't you care if you have the freedom to love who you want and believe how you want?  As long as you can discuss lasagna recipes is it okay for other people to decide for you? But, just talking isn't enough.  You also need to vote. Otherwise, your talk is just hot air.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." I think she had something there, and I don't think she meant ideas for creating new chicken casseroles.

Don't be afraid to discuss things that are important. Our quality of life depends on it. If you don't, you could quite possibly find yourself living under laws that limit your freedom and happiness because it was more important discussing Tom Cruise's latest divorce than making sure all people's happiness and freedoms are protecting and ensured. Trust me, there are plenty of people talking right now about laws they either want to make or make sure DON'T get made in order to keep rights and happiness from others.

You think your opinion doesn't matter?  Those that want to keep people from being all that they can be are counting on you believing that.  They want you to shut up and party, ignore the fact that they want to force their prejudices and agendas into laws and make you dance according to their rules. Your opinion matters, but only if you speak it often, clearly, and allow opposition to speak theirs. Many times allowing opposition to speak showcases exactly why your opinions may be better. And sometimes, minds are changed.  Maybe theirs.  Maybe yours. Change can be good, when it is done freely and knowingly, instead of being made because nobody spoke up.

I say, let discussions ring about sex, religion, and politics. In the light of day, bigotry and hate show their ugliness and empowered minds began to reason. So, what say you? Are you going to spend the summer discussing new drink recipes, or will you begin talking about how we can ensure that those in charge hear our voices on subjects that really matter?  How many great minds will decide to no longer be silenced, before it is too late?

What turns you on? (And this time, I mean sex)

As an indie author who writes dramatic stories about life and relationships, I many times need to write sex scenes. So, this "What turns you on" blog is about sex and romance.  You don't have to offer every intimate detail, but what turns you on?

I am curious.  Do most females really go for the syrupy romance?  I know I sure don't.  Yes, candlelight and roses are wonderful.  Kissing in a whirlpool in front of a fireplace is cozy.  Holding hands and watching ocean waves is delightful.  But none of that turns me on.

Don't get me wrong, it is not that I am not a romantic.  I just find romance not sexy. I love romance because it makes me feel appreciated and loved.  It is also an opportunity to show my husband how much he means to me in poetic ways.  It just won't get him a woman that is charged up for more heated things. Not one bit. Romance is romance.  And sex, glorious sex, is supposed to be sex.

Some friends of mine talk about certain famous guys and how they fantasize about laying on the sand at the beach, arms entwined and kissing.  Those visions are their ultimate turn-ons.  Not me.  If that is the best the man can do to show me how hot he is for me he will end up with me asleep and him alone with his hand.  Yawn.

I must have been a man during my last life.  Maybe most of them.  I don't look masculine.  I don't act manly.  But, damn. Cut the hearts and flowers and give me some raw sex! Talk dirty to me (not crude, show some intelligence and creativity.  Okay, sometimes crude is good, too), show me how out of control I make you, don't be afraid to go at it with gusto.  I am not a piece of crystal.  I am a woman and I want you to be a man. THAT will turn me on. Please note: I am NOT talking about taking a woman that does not want to be taken.  That is rape, and that is NOT a turn-on. 

Whenever I have daydreamed about a man, let me tell ya...we are NOT kissing.  We may be on the beach, but we are not sufficiently dressed.  There is a element of danger, of being caught.  We are dirty, we are needy and we could care less about being nice.  Or, we may be in a four poster bed with satin sheets, but it could just as easily be in the dressing room at Macy's or in the woods of a public park. The point is urgent need, not a movie scene for shrinking violets.

Forget "give me liberty or give me death".  Give me sex or give me a damn good reason why you feel like I have to be put on a pedestal in order to enjoy me.  And trust me, that reason won't turn me on. But if you ask me to pull off the freeway and ... Well, I promise you, that will.

Sex or bowling? (Three dates, sex ,or you're out?)

As an indie author I have the ability to create all kinds of situations for my characters.  Gastien was not the type of man to "date".  When he did fall in love, he fought it the whole way.  Yet he told himself they could be friends. Therefore, they walked a lot; sat and talked a lot.  Got to know each other.

That is something often missing in these times.  Couples tend to go to bed by the third date at the latest.  I heard from a single friend that the unspoken rule is if you don't end up in bed by then, the relationship is going nowhere and it is time to meet someone else.  Really? You know each other well in 3 dates?

I am no prude.  In fact, most people would say I am way too earthy.  But isn't sex, well, the most intimate thing you can do with someone?  How can you want to share that intimacy with someone you don't even know?  It isn't  recreation.  Do daters today look at each other and say, "What do you think?  A movie?  Bowling? Or sex?  What do you feel like?"

See, the problem is, once you have sex that is all you are interested in doing with each other.  It is our nature.  During that high of "in love" and being turned on, we would rather screw ourselves to death than talk.  So once you have sex, all getting to really know the other person stops. You would rather try a new position with them then find out a few new facts.

If you marry quickly, while you are still in that high "you make me hot just by breathing" zone and have not gotten to know his quirks, her dislikes, each others beliefs about life's major issues you usually end up with someone incompatible.  A few years later you are miserable and divorced.

Why am I an authority?  Because I married at 17, after dating for 3 years.  Everyone said we were too young and it would not last.  We will be celebrating 39 years this June.  Yes, we had sex before marriage.  (Yes, my husband technically could have been arrested for it.  Small towns.  Different times.)  But before we did, we had hours and hours (months, actually..even over a year) of being together and talking, talking, talking.  In between the kissing, kissing, kissing.  There is something wonderfully erotic is just the knowing you aren't getting to the final act...wanting to...not not yet.

I think if people got to know each other before jumping into bed we would have more successful marriages.  Or more long term partnerships.  I am not talking morals.  Really, it isn't about "waiting until marriage" or "respecting me in the morning".  It is about respecting yourself.  Thinking yourself important enough that you want to know you LIKE and TRUST the other person before you share that most intimate act.  That does not often happen in 3 dates.

Call me old fashioned.  I would actually want to know how a person feels about social issues, children, animals, drinking, religion or not, all kinds of things before I decided them worthy of sharing intimacy.  That takes time. I would want to watch how he reacts in different situations, how he treats others. Once I knew they were a person whose beliefs and opinions I admired (even if somewhat different than mine), all bets would be off. The sheets would be hot and sweaty and we would seldom come up for air. 

But before that?  Sorry.  Sex is more sacred to my soul than that.  I am a woman, not a dog in heat.  I don't want you to respect me in the morning.  I want you to respect me all of the time.  More importantly, I want to know that I respect you.