What Fanmail Means to a Writer

This indie author is so blissfully happy this morning!  I received another email (actually it was written on my blog and I get the message in my email, too) from a total stranger saying that she loved my books.  Jubilation! Another person for whom Gastien became very real. 

Let me tell you, there is no feeling in the world like the joy an author feels when they hear praise from a reader.  It is wonderful to be praised by friends and family and I don't mean to downplay that.  But from a stranger?  That is heady stuff!  I know this: no matter how successful I may become I will never lose the appreciation I have for readers who take time out of their lives to not only read my work, but to communicate with me directly to let me know how much they enjoyed it.  Never.

In case you don't know it, most of us don't make much money at all...if any.  We hope to become successful, but we know going in that the odds are stacked against us.  There are a whole lot of writers out there.  Still, I figure my odds are better at writing than with painting (which I have in my blood just like Gastien).  To add more angst to it, most of us are neurotic. 

Every day we fret about our books.  While marketing, while writing, while waiting for sales and reviews to come in, we fret.  Is the work good enough?  Are people finding it?  Will they spread the word?  Worst of all, do they hate us?  A day of  no sales and we are convinced that the whole world has decided that we suck.  No one will ever buy our work again.  Stupid, I know.  But honest.

Then sales (or a sale for some of us) comes in.  A fan writes.  A good review pops up.  We are in ecstasy again, knowing that we were born to do this crazy thing called telling a story.  Lots of sales would be nice.  I won't lie, I hope to make a lot of money eventually.  But you know what?  Even if I don't, just hearing from readers around the world that they love my work and consider it some of the best they have read makes it worthwhile to write.

I actually get tears in my eyes whenever I hear from a reader.  I can't say that I ever took the time to write or email an author.  I just plain didn't think of it.  I guess maybe I also thought they were not interested in hearing from me.  I always assumed they were wildly successful if they had a book out. Authors are really just normal people. In reality, writing is a lonely job.  We sit alone most of the time, living in our head. It is wonderful to be "touched" by another human.

Readers, we love to hear from you.  We live to hear that our work matters;  that it entertained you, moved you, made you feel.  Thank you from the depths of my soul for taking time to let me know.  Words can't express how much you mean to me. Today I can continue on book 3 (Tristan Michel: Bloodline of Passion) knowing that there ARE people out there-even in other parts of the world-waiting for me to tell them a story again.  And that, my friends, is what writing is all about.

Shut your mouth! (A Pet Peeve)

What are some of your pet peeves?  I have several, but I think my biggest is this: people talking with food in their mouth.  Or chewing without keeping their mouth closed.  Gross.  Yuck.  Unfortunately, it has become an epidemic.

There have been all kinds of articles written on the lack of manners in society now.  It has been a gradual erosion as we become a more relaxed culture.  Will someone please explain to me why "relaxed" has to also mean "uncouth"?  Can't one be relaxed and still be tactful and gracious?  But, I digress. 

I have always been nauseated by the sight of someone talking with food in their mouth, or chewing with their mouth open.  You see their food in various stages of breakdown, saliva bubbling, and morsels spinning around like old rags in a front load washer.  Food stuck on teeth, perhaps some flying out onto the table or even another person.  Once the food gets chewed up enough it looks like vomit.  Vomit whirling around for others to watch, ruining their own meal. 

Perhaps you don't even realize you do it.  I am amazed at the number of people that do this.  I would say that for the last three years it has grown to epidemic proportions.  Am I in the minority in not wanting to watch people break down their food?  Maybe I am wrong.  I thought a restaurant or dinner party was a place to enjoy myself and share pleasantries, not a biology class.
(Speaking of which, spare me the stories about puke-baby or otherwise- and not being able to shit, or who had bad diarrhea, while dining in a public place or at the table, please. It may not bother you to talk about runny bowels, but it does make others upset.  But, again, I digress.)

Why do so many people talk with food in their mouth?  Chew with their mouth open?  I think it is because they take too big of bites, eat too fast and are hogging it down like pigs at a trough, and one other reason.  Maybe they believe that they have such important, enlightening things to say that others can't wait for their utterances to be spoken.  Yes, they have thoughts and ideas so unique and unusual that the rapt listeners won't mind seeing their slimy mush gyrating around while they bless others with their viewpoints.

  I have news for you.  You are not the most important person in the world, nor are you the most important person in the room.  As earth shattering as your thoughts may be, we can all wait for you to chew up your food and swallow.  Hey, even if someone asks you a question while chewing, you can smile and point to your CLOSED mouth and chew.

Or-newsflash-if you must answer, USE YOUR NAPKIN! Yeah, it is meant for more than sitting on the table. It goes in your lap and THEN if you MUST talk with food in your mouth (perhaps a server is waiting for an answer), you (GASP!) pick up the napkin and HOLD IT IN FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH while answering!  That way the rest of us don't have to see your half chewed pizza!  Isn't the napkin an amazing invention?

I also think people who eat alone a lot don't use their good manners and then it simply becomes habit.  Maybe it is not such a bad idea to practice eating with good manners even when alone.  That way people might actually want to dine with you more than once.

It is not just unruly teenagers, elderly, or uneducated people that do this.  I see many businessmen, professionals, teachers, parents....all chewing away (talking or not) with their mouth wide open.  Advertising their half broken down meal for all the world to see.  You look awful.  It may seem like I am too uptight, but it really is you that it reflects on.  You look gross and unkempt.  Sorry.  But you do.

So, next time you are at the table, do us all a favor.  Shut your mouth.  Please! When you are not chewing (if you can pause to take a breath before hogging down the next forkful) feel free to converse.  Just don't make us watch the horror movie in your mouth.  Thank you.

OOh-la-la! (Becoming French when you eat will make you slender)

I need to lose weight.  I know that, and I know how to do it.  So why don't I?  If I had the answer to that question I would be a billionaire.  Millions of Americans struggle with extra weight.  I have lost weight several times.  I never keep it off.

To begin with I was naturally thin.  Until I was in my 40's I was never overweight.  The problem was, I still thought I was too fat.  I was 5' 8" and wore a size 11.  That is slender. However, the modeling world said the opposite.  We were barraged through the media with underweight examples of what was beautiful from the last 60's on.  So, I began dieting.

I truly think that is what messed up my metabolism.  And my mental health.  I would go through periods of dieting only to binge on everything I had not allowed myself to enjoy.  The binge periods lasted longer and longer.  Finally, by the time I reached middle age I was overweight.  I still could lose weight.  I still could not keep it off.

It may surprise you that, when I say I know how to lose weight and keep it off, I am no longer talking about  a diet.  No food plan where you have to check off boxes.  No boxed bullsh** meals.  No banned foods.  Nope.  I am convinced that the way one gets back to a healthy weight is by eating what they want, but only when they are truly hungry.  Equally important? Stopping when one is full.

The French have always done it.  They eat lots of calorie laden foods.  (Name one French dish that is not high in fat.) Just not in quantity.  They eat small portions because that is what the human body really desires.  Somehow, we Americans have gotten all messed up with the portions we think are needed.  Truly, less IS more. More healthy, more budget friendly, more delicious.

Why can't I remember to only eat when hungry and stop when I am full?  I guess because of decades of doing the opposite.  Even when I was thin I overate.  Simply because I could.  I had a crazy metabolism that allowed me to eat everything and anything.  Because of that I developed bad habits.

I am going to (once again) try to commit to eating only when hungry and stopping as soon as I am full.  That does not mean some garbage about chewing each bite a certain number of times, or driving myself crazy about putting down my fork between every bite.  What it DOES mean is that I will pace myself.  I will remember manners. That means I won't shovel food into my food, refill my fork while still chewing, or take portions that would fill the back of a dump truck to capacity.  I will really notice and enjoy the flavor of each bite.  And I will make an attempt to converse (after chewing and swallowing food please...a pet peeve of mine is people who talk with food in their mouth) while eating.  If I am involved with others during a meal I will give myself time to realize that I am full.

Will I succeed?  Eventually.  Hopefully, it will be this time.  I have normal blood pressure, normal blood sugar, and a stress test showed a normal heart.  Now it is up to me to keep things that way before it is too late. Food is not the enemy, lack of awareness is.  Food is wonderful and sensuous.  It should be treated with respect, not ravaged.

Wish me luck.  It is difficult to learn new behavior when old behavior has been repeated so many years.  I really want to be able to move better and have less pain, though...so here we go.  Is this time the charm?

Why What We Love Becomes What We Hate

Too often the characteristics of your spouse or significant other that make you fall in love with them end up being the same traits that irritate the hell out of you once the newness of the relationship wears off. Unfortunately, most of us may not realize that. If we do, we may not understand why that trait is now so irritating.

OK, so saying we now "hate" it is extreme. But those characteristics can drive us wonky. Why? I am no expert (well, I am kind of. I have been married for decades), but I read something several years back that made sense of it for me. I wish I could remember where I read it or who wrote it because I would like to give them credit. It has helped me understand and hold my tongue on many occasions during our marriage.

When we fall in love, we tend to look for someone who has strengths we don't necessarily have. Usually unconsciously. Hence, the cliche "opposites attract" (this is far different from having opposite morals or interests, which can hurt a relationship). That is because it will balance us, make the unit a whole. If we are afraid to voice our opinion, we find  someone who can gifted. If we beat ourselves up with guilt over never getting enough done, we admire that fact that he/she is relaxed and laid back. If we have trouble asking others to help us, we find him/her great at delegating. If we are wall flowers, he or she is the toast of the party.

We fall in love; time goes on. Now that person is a human instead of a god. All of a sudden, "gifted" becomes "opinionated". "Laid back" becomes "lazy". Forget "great at delegating"! They are just plain "bossy". "Toast of the party"? They are a "show off"!  Those very qualities we love turn into warts we would like to burn off.

Why? That article explained that it is because those qualities are so foreign to our sense of self. Those traits are not naturally part of us and so they feel "wrong". Plus, we are a bit jealous. Our partner are things we are can't be; at least not naturally. It eats at us that they can be things easily that we either can't be or have to work at. Now again, this is not conscious. Most of us don't think we are that small minded or that jealous. It is human nature to feel threatened or irritated by traits that are not innately us, though.

If we keep that in mind, all of a sudden those traits are not so irritating. After all, those things are the very reasons we fell in love in the first place.  Keeping that in mind gives the person we love permission to be the person they are. Remember, they fell in love with your for your characteristics.  Those characteristics are as foreign to them as theirs are to you. You drive them crazy for the same reasons. Isn't part of love acceptance and admiration of what the other truly is?

As long as you are both sharing responsibilities, you are fine. Chill out and let you partner be the person they were meant to be. Be the person you were meant to be.  You will both be a lot happier for it.  You will also find that you compliment each other very well.

Finding Happiness

As an indie author it is easy to get so caught up in all of the things I need to do to market my book that it is hard to find time to write.  There is blogging, tweeting, facebook, emails, review requests, interviews...the list goes on and on.

I am not just an indie author though.  I am a wife, a friend to many, a homeowner, a grandma (although I am childless by choice), a companion of two parrots, and have many hobbies.  Like everyone else these days, I struggle to find time for everything.  Worse yet, while doing one thing I feel this nagging guilt that I really should be doing another. And, always, I am trying to find happiness.

As an author I keep thinking that once my books start selling big time I will be happy.  Once I have the series done I will be happy.  Once I can stop worrying about income I will be happy.

As a human I sometimes think that if we lived somewhere warmer I would be happy, or if we could take nice vacations I would be happy.  Perhaps if we could replace our worn out carpet and redo the hardwoods underneath I would be happy.  If Dave and I could find more time to just be with other I would be happy.  When (and if) we ever retire I will be happy.

In the meantime, time has taken away the vast majority of my life.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not "unhappy".  I am generally quite a happy person, but I think all of us fall into that trap of thinking things would be "happier" if only.
If only I would lose weight, have money, not hurt, have more time...the list goes on and on.

The problem is, we look for things other than ourselves to make us happy.  Even if we try to find it in ourselves, it is by "correcting" or "improving" the body and mind we have been given.  Self improvement can be a great thing; self acceptance is even greater.

You want happiness?  Do I?  Then, truly, we need to stop "wanting" and start simply "being".  There is so much joy in just being able to breathe, to blink.  To be able to hear a child laugh, a bird sing.  To see a sunrise instead of rushing around opening blinds to that you can get to the computer and begin to "do".  There is not just happiness, but true joy all around us and within us.
We just have to be quiet enough to notice it.

My books may eventually sell great or sit and collect "dust" online.  I may always be overweight now, after years of being thin.  I am going to always hurt some.  And, hopefully, get old.  I am not guaranteed that.  Nobody is.
What I am guaranteed is the beauty-right now-of seeing the color I painted my walls (it IS a happy color!), of feeling love in my heart for my friends and family, of knowing that my heart beats and my mind works and I can stop and read poetry any time I want to.

The miracle of being on this planet.  What a sheer, simple miracle. Being here now and knowing it. That is happiness.  If we clear our mind and simply look, happiness is there within us.  It always was and always will be.  We just need to allow it to be noticed.

Want a Cheap Read With Great Ratings?

As an indie author I try to read as many books by other indie authors (click for a good author and book site)that I can.  My goal this year is to always pick an indie book (click for another good indie site)  whenever I buy a new book.  I don't necessarily want to buy the cheapest.  A lot of the .99 cents books are rife with formatting, spelling and grammar errors. 

And the free ones!  Oh, my.  Too many times I have downloaded "free" just to delete them.  That does not mean free or "cheap" has to be bad.  Here are a couple of hints for finding good books by indies:

1. Don't just download free books or .99.  I mean, come on.  Is $2.99 or even $4.99 a lot for a book nowadays?  Seriously!  Authors need to eat too. 

2. If you do download free or .99 look to see what rating the book has and how many reviews.  I am not talking about reviews from Joe Blow.  I am talking about reviews from reviewers or book bloggers.  Those are more honest.  Some people are suspicious of a book with all high reviews, but if most of them are from reviewers or bloggers it is probably just a really good book!

3. Again, when considering free or .99 does the author have more than one book out?  If so, they may be using this book as a loss leader to build a following.  That is great.  Check out the ratings and go for it!

4. Also when considering free or .99 look to see if it is part of a series. If so, it is probably being used as a loss leader to promote the series.  Again, a good thing!  You can see if you want to read the whole series for little of no money.  Check the ratings.

You may ask "Why bother to worry if it is free or under a buck?"  Well, because people who download books rife with errors are not authors.  They don't want to do the work to be an author.  If people don't download their books they either learn to improve or go away.  Either is fine.  We don't need the e-book market flooded with books full of errors.

I am not talking about a couple of mistakes in a full novel.  That happens all the time in books that have been put out by major publishers too.  I am talking about the flood of books with a dozen errors in a couple hundred pages.  Books that don't know how and when to use a comma.  Things like that.

You can find good books for free or under a buck if you just research the book on the site you are going to download it from a little bit.  But, please, don't just buy .99 and download free.  The best books do, or will eventually (after the sale goes off) cost more...even if only a dollar or two.  If you love reading, support the art of writing!

Here is a great site for finding quality books for under a buck to get you started: http://ebooksforabuck.wordpress.com/ In order to even get on this site you need at least 4 (or was it 5?) reviews from verified purchases on Amazon and at least a 4 star rating average from those reviews.   Many of those featured put a book on sale to get on that site.  It is a great way to increase readership for us indies and Michael should be commended for it.  Stop by and check out the site.  You will find a lot of fabulous reading on there!

Don't forget: if you like the book you got for free or under a buck, please continue to support that author.  Books by indies are a bargain even at $2.99, $3.99 or $4.99 and higher.  Don't expect a quality author to offer every book for free or .99.  When you find an author you love, give them some love back.  Chances are you don't work for free or a buck, either!

I thank you and other indies will thank you, too.  Now, go out and grab a great book.  There is a world of escape waiting for you!