Love Songs or Obsession?

As an indie author it only stands to reason that I pay attention to words.  Even as a teenager, the lyrics of popular songs meant even more to me than the music.  My husband is the opposite.  He likes songs for the beat or the melody.  Most of the time he does not know the lyrics.  Of course, he used to play the drums, so that makes perfect sense.

I used to think about how the lyrics showed undying love for a person.  How romantic, I thought.  Then I noticed something.  Most of the words to songs about love aren't about love at all.  They are about obsession.  They are about the person singing the song; all the things another person makes them feel.

Pay attention this week to lyrics.  Love is about what you can do for another person to make them happy or make their life more wonderful.  It is not about what they can do for you or how they make you feel.  Sure, it is great to feel those things, but that is not love.  It can be unhealthy romance.  It can be lust.  But in itself, those feelings are not love.  Love, you see, is not narcissistic or selfish.  Lust and "in love" can very much be those two things.

Why do we categorize possessive songs and songs about fixation as love songs? Maybe that partly explains why so many young girls put up with abusive boyfriends.  Do they think that it is love that drives those boyfriends to wanting to control their every move?  Do they think that means the guy worships them?

I don't know.  But I always found it creepy that Every Breath You Take by Sting was considered a romantic song that people rushed out onto the dance floor to celebrate.  Really?  Every breath you take, every step you make, I'll be watching you.  Ummm. Ok. Thanks for giving me a heads up that I need to call the cops.

Songs about how someone makes the person feels.  Songs about how they want to spend every second with you.  Songs about how you are on their mind every minute of every day.  Songs about how all they do is dream about you.  Hey, I like being important.  But I don't want to be a butterfly pinned to a piece of pager for anyone to admire.  Sorry.  My wings are meant for flying.

We need to remember that we all need to fly.  Once in awhile, often if we are lucky, we fly with another.  But they never clip our wings.  And they never cause us to crash to the ground when we go off for awhile on our own.

Love isn't about owning another person.  It is about allowing them the freedom to fully live and thrive.  Love is about them, not you. Sometimes you are fortunate enough that real love is reciprocated. That is when your heart really sings of love.  And the lyrics are beautiful.

Jumping Genres (Why I Ditched Romance)

One of the hardest decisions I had to make as an indie author regarding the publishing of my first book (Gastien Part 1: The Cost of the Dream) was what genre to put it under. After much deliberation, I decided to put it in the Romance genre because it evolves into a love story for much of book 2 in the series (Gastien Part 2: From Dream to Destiny). It did not fit the formula for "romance" but I argued that a great love story belonged there. In fact, I blogged about it a few weeks back. Still, it felt odd.

First of all, men really like the books and some have written reviews on them. These were not men that read romance. Because they were so adamant on the fact that they thought the books were great, it told me that I was missing out on a lot of male readers. Males who noticed that the book was a "romance" would skip over it. Also, it would not be recommended on Amazon or B&N for anyone buying a book other than a romance.These books are as much for men as women. How could I reach more men?

Secondly, I am not a romance genre fan. I seldom read them. I adore a good love story for sure. But the romance genre? Not so much. There is a hard and fast formula for the romance genre. Man meets woman (or  man meets man, etc if it is lgbt), they fall in love despite major differences, something happens that one misunderstands or takes one away, they are split apart, they come back together and they live happily ever after. Always. The story is the exact same story over and over.

When I thought of all of my favorite books, not one is categorized as a romance. They have love stories in them, but they are much, much bigger than "romance". They have flawed characters and plenty of angst. They were complete people, people who did ugly things at times.  Why was I limiting my books to a genre that frowns on that?

No, my books doesn't fit that romance formula at all. Gastien does fall in love. But decisions are not easy, life is not easy, and he has major flaws. Flaws that are not allowed in romance. He has suffered extreme abuses, both physical and mental. Sex is a way to feel close to others and a "high" that gives him brief, emotional relief from pain. He is not monogamous and says that up front. She accepts it. That is a no-no in romance. Never burst the romance readers bubble that people are not perfect, that falling in love does not cure everything, that happily ever after is not happy every second! That is not accepted.

Life is full of sadness, mistakes and regrets. Every major decision has repercussions. I don't understand a genre that hides from that. Don't get me wrong.  If people want to read the same storyline over and over and enjoy fairy tales, that is understandable. Some people have enough stress in their life that they need total escape. I get it. I like escape, too...but it needs to seem like it could happen. It needs to make me think. It needs to make me feel. I don't want to read fairy tales, and I don't want to write them. There are others much better at that.

So, after saying I was sticking to romance with angst in it, I made the switch. My books are now categorized as "historical fiction" and "family saga" (the latter because it is a series and will cover three generations). I was unsure about the change up until I pressed the buttons to change it. As soon as I did, I felt a peace. One could say that I gave up romance in the name of love. True love, the kind that really does exist, in spite of our being human.

THIS is where Gastien belongs. He is not a cookie cutter character, and he makes no apologies for what he needs in life to make him happy. He may not understand some those things ultimately makes him the opposite, but he definitely stands up for what he wants. Sophie is no pushover, though. She is a strong, vibrant woman who is able to accept his flaws because she understands the damage that was done to him and sees that he has issues he simply can't face. She loves him, in spite of his terms and those flaws. He learns to love because of her.They find a way to make it work, but not without problems.  Kind of like most of life. Nothing is perfect, Gastien less so.

I am not condoning abuse. Gastien was not abusive to her, at least not knowingly. They both were honest and up front about their needs and feelings. Accepting the imperfections and loving anyway. Isn't that what true love is all about? And isn't true love a greater story than romantic love, simply because true love happens so rarely? 

So, I guess what I am getting at is don't be afraid to change genre if you think you put your book in the wrong category.  It is okay to make a mistake.  We all do.  Especially my characters!

Is It A Romance? (This Genre Is A Tough One)

As an indie author, you will be responsible for selecting the genres you want your book to appear in.  On Barnes & Noble you get up to 5 to add.  On Amazon you only get two.  That is really difficult for many of us.  For instance, my books are drama, historical fiction, romance, steamy romance, historical romance, saga, and book one is coming of age.  See what I mean?

I also wish they had a better selection of genres.  Some are missing.  Some get further broken down and the wording sounds so stuffy I almost go to sleep!

However, today my blog is about the romance genre.  There are many that argue that if a story does not have a "happy ever after" ending it does not fall into the romance category.  They almost have a stroke if a book dares to fall out of that old "woman meets man, they fall in love, there is a misunderstanding, they fight, they get back together, they marry" formula.

There are many readers that DON"T want to read that formula anymore or never did.  What fun is it to read a book when you know exactly what is going to happen?  Why not just read the same book over and over?   Those of some of the things that run through the minds of readers that do love romance but don't like predictability.

I would fall into the category of those that don't like a standard formula.  It bores me, and it bores me quickly.  I have been reading for decades now.  That same old formula just doesn't excite me anymore.  Sorry.  This is not a knock on those who write formula romances.  God knows you have a huge following.  It is just not for me and I can't write it.  I am probably in the minority. You who write it will make a hell of a lot more money than I ever will.  Still, if I am bored writing I may as well go back to work for the feds typing social security numbers all day.   At least I would have some benefits.

Here is a thought for those of you that insist on the same old, same old.  If we use your formula, then Romeo & Juliet, Wuthering Heights, and Gone With The Wind would not qualify as romances.  They can't, if you use the formula.  They certainly are not feel good stories.  Yet, they are love stories.
Romantic/Sexual love is at the core of each of them.  As it is in 1984.  Does that have a happy ever after ending?

Some say they are "only" love stories and not romances, Or they fall under another category (Of course, don't most great books?).  Only love stories??? Isn't that what romance is part of?  Personally, I will take a romance with surprises and real life dysfunction and angst any day over a 'they met and kissed and lived happy forever' type of book.  I want to read about characters who seem to have a real life.  In real life, we seldom exist in a state of eternal bliss, even when we end up with our soul mate.  I get that it is fiction.  Still, I want to be able to believe it might happen. My mom used to say if two people live together and never fight, one is kissing the other's ass.  She was right.

I am not saying the story cannot have a happy ending.  It could. But, it just as easily could not.  Isn't that what life is like?  Isn't that what makes a book something you don't want to put down?  A book where you aren't sure how it will end is much more addicting than a book that you know the ending to before opening it.  

Be forewarned: I write romance, but it will never be typical.  If they gave me "love story" as a genre choice, I would move there.  They don't-so thar ya go. I write about love. I write about love and romance in a way that appeals to both  men and women. Imperfect characters.  Raw sex. Both beautiful and ugly emotions and actions. You will never know what to expect and you will never know if it will be "happy ever after".  I want to take you on a ride.  Even more, I want the destination to be a secret until we get there.

Surprise!  Fasten your seat belt.