Monday, December 19, 2011

Really, Redneck? No Fat Chicks?

Ok, I am going to warn you right at the start: I am feelin' snarky today.  Not gonna apologize, either.  I am not sorry...but at least I am honest.  Yup. Today this indie author is one snarky gal.

Ever notice those decals some males have on cars that say "No Fat Chicks"? They have been around now for years, all kinds of them.  What has amazed me all of those years is how the guy looks when he gets out of his truck (cuz you can bet he is drivin' a truck.  No question.  Hands down.).

One would think that in order to be choosy about a potential mates looks, that person wold have some looks himself.  I have yet to see a good lookin' guy with the No Fat Chicks decal.  I am not saying some good looking guys don't want to date fat girls.  I am just saying that those who feel it is their right to advertise their extremely discriminating "good" taste seem to seldom look in a mirror.
Every single one of these guys that I have seen sport at least one of the following: beer gut, teeth missing, acne, balding, greasy hair, unkempt clothing, t-shirts advertising beer or NASCAR or heavy metal (and not washed in decades), or they are spitting snuff. 

Damn!  Let me tell you, fat girls across the country breathe a sigh of relief when they see that decal.  One less ahole to worry about in their life.  The day suddenly seems a bit brighter.
Hey, redneck, here is a newsflash for ya: You would need to tie a T-bone to your trousers to even get a bulldog to sniff you.  No need to worry about a fat girl.  You think you deserve a fashion model?  Well, I used to look like one when I was younger.  Let me tell ya, you would not have had a chance in a million years.  And guess what?  Now that I am 56 and have a big ass, you still would not stand a chance in a million years.  So dream on, darling.  All men want the pin up girl.  Most, though, don't look like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp so perhaps they need to get over themselves a wee bit.

Gals, I think it is time that we get a few decals for our cars.  How about "No Missing Teeth?" or "No Hairy Ass Crack Sticking Out Of Jeans?"  or maybe
"No Rednecks With IQ of 20?"
Sorry, guys.  The funny thing is, most rednecks don't even know they are.  I am going to end this with my favorite song. 

"If you're redneck but don't know it, clap your hands!
If you're redneck but don't know it, clap your hands!
If you're redneck but don't know it, well don't worry
You sure show it!
If you're redneck but don't know it, clap your hands!"

Later.  Gotta go thank my lucky stars that Joe Redneck down the street is not attracted to me.  Damn.  I have always fantasized about how his big gut must bounce when he's doing the "wild thang". Be still my heart!

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