Tuesday, April 3, 2012

What turns you on/off? Part 1: In a friend

As an indie writer, I need to be aware of differences in personality in order to make sure that all of my work does not have the same main character.  I thought it would be fun to share the different things I like and don't like, and then ask you to let me know yours.  This will be broken into different blogs. Today I am talking about what traits make you want to associate with someone and what traits make you want to bop them in the mouth or run away.

One of my biggest turn-offs in regard to hanging with someone is inability to make a decision. Come on, man, choose! I can understand something huge and life changing needing a bit of thought, but what ice cream flavor to get?  This is not going to make or break the rotation of the planet. I find myself avoiding hesitant people as much as possible. For me, their inability to make a decision is like fingernails on a chalkboard.

I will admit that I make decisions too quickly at times.  That has caused some big mistakes in my life.  On the other hand, I learned some valuable things from those mistakes.  The things I learned help me make similar decisions better - and still quickly! If someone thinks so little of their ability to choose that they fool around for a substantial amount of time, I am outa there.  By the time they finally choose ice cream, I have had a cone, a night's sleep, and have worked a full day.

How about people that have to go into extreme detail?  I don't care to know the color and pattern of the drapes in your Aunt's home.  Just cut to the broken leg. Can you tell that I am a person that likes things to move along?

Liars also drive me crazy. What is the point about lying about what you had to eat last night? Or what clothes you bought last Saturday?  I don't get it.  Then, when you point out that they said one thing, but did another, guess what?  They are offended and ask if you are calling them a liar.  Yes!  I am!

Oh God...don't get me started with braggers.  ZZZZZZZZZ.  Need I say more?

What turns me on to a friendship? Someone who knows who they are, but does not shove it down my throat.  They express their opinion and then listen to mine.  Listening is a rare gift few of us have learned.  I know I could stand some improvement there.  I bet almost all of us could.

I also like people who don't treat service workers rudely.  People who are not the loudest person in the bar or restaurant.  And people who actually remember to ask about life events that come up. In other words, I like people who treat others like they want to be treated. 

Most of all, I like people who have an open mind and are inquisitive about where we come from, why we are here and where we are going. That makes for interesting conversations and wonderful possibilities.

What about you?  What traits appeal to you and which ones don't?


  1. Well now...likes, it's simple - the ability to communicate. I hate feeling like I have to drive the entire conversation...and it's ok to just "be" and not talk, but damn...how many different ways do I need to ask about your kids before you open up and start talking? Communicate, even if you have to say "damn, I don't have anything else to say :)"

    Dislikes, that's an easy on for me too. I can't maintain a friendship with someone who talks about others behind their backs. If you don't like someone (me? others?) that's cool, move on, but don't waste my time bashing someone and expect me to agree with your bad behavior!

    1. Those would be two more of mine, too. Excellent thoughts.

  2. A friend could not get her comment posted, so here it is:

    "I tried to post this on your blog but evidently I have no idea how bc it won't let me. So I am sending my thoughts to you this was.

    I dislike when you are lied. It't not like you don't know they are lying or that you will figure it out (because they don't keep their story straight) It's just irritating that they think so low of you that they can't be honest with you to begin with. Honesty is important in any friendship.

    I also don't like when a person feels that no matter what you say or have done, they have to up do you. For instance if I read one book, they read two and so on.

    What I like in a person is that you can tell them anything, and it stays between you and them. Not shared with others. Knowing that the person is there for you and has your back is important. It's a special bond.

    I like people that are up beat and not Negitive Nellies. Constant complainers and always whoa is me people, drive me nuts. Don't get me wrong, we all have problems and talk it out with others, but when it's always negative if can bring a person down. Share the happy thoughts too. It makes for a better day.



    Thanks, Cindi. I will post it for you. Great thoughts. I agree completely. Gosh, I had completely forgotten about how irritated I get with the ol' one up thing. Probably because I avoid those people like the plague!